AcmeShorts

Bethany had marketable looks that could almost make her famous – blonde hair, pouty lips, long legs – but instead they got her pregnant when she was only 17 and still stupid enough to think she had a future.

She opted for an abortion. The decision came after a lot of reflection, sleepless nights, prayer and journal entries. She got a lift to the local clinic from her friend. She went to one in the next county over, in case she ran in to someone she knew.

She had expected more drama, more protesters, more something. She had secretly longed for the controversy, hoping it would lend the procedure a gravity that she thought such an important decision deserved. Instead she found a drab waiting room with a coffee table littered with dated magazines.

The abortion went without incident. What Bethany did not realize is that she was pregnant with Jesus, God’s son. Bethany’s first birth was going to realize the prophecy foretold in the Bible. It was going to be His second coming.

The fetus, still a lump of misshapen cells in the first trimester, was placed in a fluorescent bio-hazard medical waste bag and disposed of in a baby incinerator in a small town near the county line. Bethany visited church the Sunday after next. She felt too consumed with guilt to go that first Sunday, the egocentric cunt. She lit a candle, closed her eyes and inhaled the smoke like it was a mystical apparition, and soundlessly wept.

Bethany had a miscarriage three-years later with her husband, Tad, a real earnest fucking ass hole who knew nothing about the abortion. Bethany thought her baby died because God was angry with her for the abortion. She was wrong. It was just because she had excess antiphospholid antibodies that caused blood clotting and damaged her placenta. Religion and all that God stuff didn’t matter anymore because Bethany killed Jesus.
Date Written: June 3, 2004
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 4.5
Comments:
06/8/2004 Benny Maniacs: Reading a good ole Acme short like this is like eating a steak for the first time in a while.
06/8/2004 John Slocum (4): A good story
06/8/2004 Mr. Pony (5):
06/8/2004 mr.coffee (4): Yeah! What Benny said.
06/8/2004 scoop (5): Five stars for Mr. Pony's signibabyfire, the best yet, IMHO. ;)
06/8/2004 Will Disney (5): stellar work
06/8/2004 TheBuyer (5): Setup was just as good as the payoff; perfectly balanced.
06/8/2004 Dylan Danko (4): I thought all the swearing and stuff a little misplaced/needlessly gratuitous. Other than that, a stellar short.
06/8/2004 Phony Millions (5): Killer punch in the end! Keep the Jesus shit comin', hombre!
06/8/2004 Jon Matza (5): Thoroughly enjoyed this. Mint tone, author!
06/8/2004 Not Lisa (5):
06/8/2004 qualcomm (4): 4.44 repetend. splendid payoff, but i thought the tone was kind of blah. it has the competent craftsmanship of a Newsday article. try the inverted pyramid next time. asshole.
06/8/2004 Mr. Joshua (4): Being a jew and all, my familiarity with the New Testament is rather limited. Is the second coming foretold to be an immaculate conception?
06/8/2004 TheBuyer: Mr Joshua: Not so much. My people believe that not only will a vessel of god penetrate the host of the savior, he will have done so as "sloppy seconds" making the identity of the holy seed a mystery for the ages.
06/8/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Fine work, indeed.
06/8/2004 ?: Is this story real?
06/8/2004 Ewan Snow: Yes, Weak Anus. It is quite real.
06/8/2004 TheBuyer: I like the qualification of Jesus as "God's son." and not just some random Mexican.