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The Remarkable Tantrum of Dr. Kwargwark

Dr. Kwargwark smashed through the wall of his office waving his framed PHD over his head like a lariat. Into the hallway he stormed, barking at everything and littering the floor with bits of drywall and spittle. A stunned intern stammered "kool aid" when he came through the wall then fainted at his feet.

"I'm a goddamn doctor, get me some coffee," he bellowed into the back of her unresponsive bouffant. He launched himself down the corridor into main reception going from face to terrified face doling out decibles.

"How many fucking degrees do I need to get a lousy cup of fucking coffee? HUH? IS ONE ENOUGH? HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?!? SEE?!?" tap, tap on the glass frame, "I'm an educated man for fuck sakes I WANNA MAKE A PHONE CALL! Get me a fucking phone, RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW. Right. Fucking. NOW!" he stomped.

A phone appeared, it's bearer vanished with cartoon timing. Dr. Kwargwark snatched it out of the air and addressed the shocked dialtone, "Kwargwark here, Doctor here, have degree go ahead. Who is this, I don't care who this is, do you have any fucking clue who I am? FUCKING DOCTOR FUCKING KWARGWARK I AM DOCTOR K-W-A-R-G-W-A-R-K PEE AICH DEE...DOC DOC DOC FUCK!" then batted the receiver down the hall in a puff of plaster to punctuate his point.

Seven hours and eight canisters of tear gas later, everyone on the emergency response team knew damn well who the fucking doctor is around here and bagged the bodies accordingly.